Marriage: So Far Yet So Close

I didn't think I would become someone who started counting down—but I'm counting down: LESS THAN THREE MONTHS BEFORE I MARRY RUSSELL!

Some days it seems too far away and other days it seems so so close. As more planning gets done, I think the reality sinks in. Also, Russell and I are starting pre-marital counseling and now it really feels like it's real life. This engagement period is such a weird but interesting time because every moment feels like the end and beginning of something. I keep reminding myself that every moment should be treasured and it's all so bittersweet.

Days When Marriage Seems Too Far Away:

• About every night when Russell drives me home and walks me to my door and I hug him and hate the thought of having to stop hugging him.
• When I remember I have a curfew.
• When one of my brothers comes into my room and takes my laptop and/or kindle and/or other gender-neutral items without telling me (I have a problem with sharing; a.k.a. good luck Russell because even when we're married I don't think I will ever like sharing). 
• When mom rearranges all my shoes and I can't find my boots.
• When I leave unclaimed food out on the counter or in the fridge to save for later but when I check back for it...it's gone. The consequences of having two brothers who are constantly hungry is that I always have to keep playing the whodunnit game.
• When I have to carry something into the garage and whatever I'm carrying is too heavy and all I think about is If Russell were here, I could make him carry this.
• When I can't reach the nice dishes on the high shelf in the kitchen.

Days When Marriage Seems Too Close:

• When Mom starts talking about how I need to learn how to cook.
• When I try to cook and I realize I hate it.
• A couple of days ago, Dad said I need to do my own taxes this year.
• Sometime last year, I learned that you have to pay for electricity. Also, the thought of bills.
• On weekday mornings when Mom has breakfast ready for me and a packed lunch.
• When my brothers are wrestling and being goofy and funny and I think about how when we all start moving out, we'll never be this close anymore and everything will change.
• Every time Mom starts getting teary-eyed when I talk about the wedding.