Thursday, April 18, 2013

Half Empty

Childhood memories.

I've slowly been packing up my room and every movement is an obstacle. Packing up my books, emptying my drawers, tearing out posters, stripping down my closetI feel like there's a breakdown waiting for me at every corner. It doesn't help that I only have a week left in this house. I hate count downs but I can't help it. I'm counting down the nights I have left in my bedroom, and with my family. To be honest, it sucks. I'm going to miss them so so much.

I know I'm still excited to move in with Russell after we get back from the honeymoon. I'm thrilled to see how it'll be like to live with my best friend/husband. Don't think I regret any of it. It's just...what I do regret is not appreciating my parents and family more when I could have. I wish I had never complained about curfew but instead saw it as a way to spend more time with my family. I wish I hadn't lost my patience with my parents as much as I did. I wish I had been smarter and wiser.

Cleaning up my room is catapulting me to nostalgia lane. Most of the furniture I have in my room I've had for more than a decade. I know I've outgrown many of the things (drawers that are breaking, hot pink chairs, etc.) but I kind of wish I didn't. I'm attached to them the way I'm attached to my childhood. Seeing my room now half empty makes me want to wake up my parents and crawl into their bed. A part of me3 year old me who cried whenever my older brother dropped me off at preschool because I hated the thought of not seeing him for hours; 11 year old me teaching my little brother how to write; teenager me learning how to drive from my dad; college me sitting on my parents' bed and having girl talk with my mom —will always miss this.

Now it's just a half empty room becoming emptier by the second. I'm going to miss these sky blue walls and when dad and mom went with me to Home Depot to pick out the exact shade of blue I wanted. I'm going to miss the Harry Potter collage I made in high school that my mom does not have the heart to take down. Man, I'm even going to miss mom hiding all my finished puzzles under the mattress and underneath the rugs. It's not fair. I wish I had known to appreciate all the moments when they were happening.

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