Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Stacks of unsent invitations sit on my desk: an address stamp, a pen, postage stamps, and empty envelopes. Library books are piled high next to them. Last minute cast off scarves are piled on top. When did my desk get so burdened?

My closet is bursting from clothes. I worry I will not know which to take and which to donate when it is time to get married and move. There's barely any room for anything new yet I continue to purchase the new. I want so much--clothes, money, beauty, everything. I want it all. 

The dresser is stacked with hair products and lotion. I want shiny hair. I want it silky like commercial-perfect women have their hair. A couple broken brushes are lying next to it. A box of Kleenex, a box of chocolate, and a can of candy hearts also join the chaos. My trash is close to full and God knows when that will get changed.

Scarves and purses hang behind my door. Books are bursting from my shelves. Headbands hang on my desk lamp. I have too much of everything but not enough. Totes, book bags, hats, jewelry, winter jackets, house slippers--they all play a part in the messiness. Discarded tap shoes are forgotten in my closet. Half-finished scrapbooks, hidden diaries, and even more secrets are hidden like jigsaw puzzles. I want to get rid of it all but I wouldn't know where to start.

Neglected knitting, random Christmas presents, old memorabilia, and other whatnots are clustered and ignored. I don't want to think about how my room used to be like when it was clean. I don't want to think about how it looks like now.

My life is overflowing. I have too much and I am too much. I am becoming a storage room of the present and the unused. The phrase My cup runneth over comes into mind and it is a sense of overwhelmingness that spills over. Instead of trying to make sense of all this chaos, I sit in the middle of it. 

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