Learning How to Love Each Other

Here are some of the questions Russell and I got asked in our latest premarital counseling session:

1. What is your definition of marriage?
2. What is your definition of love?
3. How do you know you are in love with each other?

Our assignment is to write a couple paragraphs on the questions our pastor gives us after every session. But, we can't discuss it with each other until the next time we meet with him. Then during the next session, we read out loud what we wrote.

We learned a few things in our last counseling. For example, we discussed each other's primary and least love languages (Katrina: Quality Time and Acts of Kindness with the least being Verbal compared to Russell who is: Touch and Verbal with the least being Gifts). We kind of had an idea of each other's primary love language but our pastor made sure we knew it and will remember it. I had to make a mental note of to stop joking to Russell that I don't think he loves me enough...I guess that communicates to him that I don't think he loves me? (Sorry Russ!) Since Verbal isn't a love language I utilize often, I need to watch what I say to Russell—even if it's a slight joke—in case it might be hurting his feelings. And when I realized that Gifts was Russell's least love language, it all made sense why he never gets as excited as I do when I buy him a shirt or something random (It's 'cause I love you okay? Not just because I like buying things). 

With Quality Time and Acts of Kindness/Service, I like spending lots of time with Russell (like, ALL the time) and packing him lunch in the morning and dropping it off his car before I head to work. Russell likes being hugged all the time and is a cuddler. When we first started dating, I realized all his family members were big time huggers and I always attributed this characteristic to their long arms. As in, they have long arms so they feel the need to give bear hugs. Nope, it's a love language...combined with long arms. Russell is also very verbal with his I love you's  which honestly freaked me out at the beginning of our relationship.

We also discussed the different kinds of love. One of the questions our pastor asked was: What makes your love for your future spouse any different than the love you have for your mother, friend, etc.? The three loves our pastor emphasized was Agape (the greatest love, God's love, unconditional love), Phileo (brotherly love), and Eros (passionate and romantic love). All three are required in a marriage. When agape love is nurtured and healthy, the other two loves will follow. Eros and phileo feed off agape. When you get down to it, we need God's love in order to fully love our spouse. 

Marriage: So Far Yet So Close

I didn't think I would become someone who started counting down—but I'm counting down: LESS THAN THREE MONTHS BEFORE I MARRY RUSSELL!

Some days it seems too far away and other days it seems so so close. As more planning gets done, I think the reality sinks in. Also, Russell and I are starting pre-marital counseling and now it really feels like it's real life. This engagement period is such a weird but interesting time because every moment feels like the end and beginning of something. I keep reminding myself that every moment should be treasured and it's all so bittersweet.

Days When Marriage Seems Too Far Away:

• About every night when Russell drives me home and walks me to my door and I hug him and hate the thought of having to stop hugging him.
• When I remember I have a curfew.
• When one of my brothers comes into my room and takes my laptop and/or kindle and/or other gender-neutral items without telling me (I have a problem with sharing; a.k.a. good luck Russell because even when we're married I don't think I will ever like sharing). 
• When mom rearranges all my shoes and I can't find my boots.
• When I leave unclaimed food out on the counter or in the fridge to save for later but when I check back for it...it's gone. The consequences of having two brothers who are constantly hungry is that I always have to keep playing the whodunnit game.
• When I have to carry something into the garage and whatever I'm carrying is too heavy and all I think about is If Russell were here, I could make him carry this.
• When I can't reach the nice dishes on the high shelf in the kitchen.

Days When Marriage Seems Too Close:

• When Mom starts talking about how I need to learn how to cook.
• When I try to cook and I realize I hate it.
• A couple of days ago, Dad said I need to do my own taxes this year.
• Sometime last year, I learned that you have to pay for electricity. Also, the thought of bills.
• On weekday mornings when Mom has breakfast ready for me and a packed lunch.
• When my brothers are wrestling and being goofy and funny and I think about how when we all start moving out, we'll never be this close anymore and everything will change.
• Every time Mom starts getting teary-eyed when I talk about the wedding.

More Engagement Photos

I wanted to title this post "Back by Popular Demand!" but that would have been a lie. The photos are going up because Bernadette (reader #5!) asked; and because she is a maid of honor; and because I figured if I have to share them somewhere, it would be on my blog.

Here are some of the engagement photos of me and Russell.

Engagement Photo

Sun Swept Studio finished our engagement photos! The picture above is one of my faves.

Wedding Goodness: An Update

Russell and I will finally be getting our Save-the-Dates this week and they will be mailed out in a week or so! We also took our engagement photos this weekend with Sun Swept Studio and I just can't wait to see the photos. Our photographer, Ann, showed us a couple of pictures on her camera and they look amazing--not that me and Russell looked amazing, the lighting and composition looked amazing, haha. Overall, wedding planning is going very smoothly and I hope that I did not just jinx it.

My family has been totally more open about talking about the wedding. I think my whole extended family finally know about the engagement which means Mom can now relax. Besides making the lists and excel sheets at the beginning of the engagement, the planning is going by peacefully. Russell's family is so helpful and supportive. I am so glad we decided to do the wedding in Oroville.

It's so funny because people always ask me how my wedding planning is going. I always answer with a simple, "good." This results in them prodding me more which has led me to realize that the answer "good" never really suffices. I have my maids-of-honor and bridesmaids texting me once in a while asking me how things are going. Or friends will ask if the planning has been stressful. I never have the right response because I don't know what people expect me to respond with. I tell them that the planning is going "good" and I really mean it. This engagement season is joyous and wonderful. God has been so good and all our expenses seem to be met. We are just so blessed and I am continuously amazed by the wonderful people around me.

My constant prayer is to remember that the wedding is just a day of celebration. I want to focus on having a good, godly marriage and not get lost in the hustle and bustle of wedding planning. I find myself collecting my mom and dad's words of wisdom on married-life and parenthood. My church has also been doing a "Relationships" series that goes over different roles in marriage which has been helpful. Everything has been good because I have not been burdened by stressful wedding planning but have had more time to focus on teachings of the Word and wisdom from trusted elder spiritual couples.

Lately, it seems like I have been doing more marriage-planning rather than wedding-planning. But that is all fine with me :)

Chaos! Plus Some Happier Stories

The past couple of weeks have been very exciting yet somewhat stressful. Between planning a wedding, getting another sideline freelance writing gig, looking at possibly trading Russell's Jeep in for another car, planning an Oroville trip this month, looking for an engagement photographer, and getting new tires (goodbye Disneyland passes fund), I'm a bit tired.

Maybe the stress is only because of this month. I'm spending this month trying to prioritize and figure out what I should do first. Mom is helping out a lot. We were even able to plan a [somewhat] spontaneous trip to Oroville next Friday so we can see Russell's family. It'll be nice to have his relatives and my parents together. I think it'll really take a lot of stress off my shoulders once some of the planning goes into motion.

Besides stress, there have been other emotions going on. Here are two happy events that have happened recently:

1) Last night, mom walked into my room and gave me this book:

This means a lot to me. Mom knows I'm a reader so for her to actually go to a bookstore, find this book, and give it to me makes me feel really loved. The only times my parents have bought me books was either for a) school or b) a bible. In other words, they've bought me books for rare/special occasions. I've asked Russell to also go through this book with me since it's designed as a couples devotional book.

2) The second happy event involved a lot of shopping. This past weekend, Russ and I went to a thrift store and craft stores to start looking at some decorations we can make. 

Here's a picture of Russell in a thrift store with a tiny cart:

We've gotten a good heads start on the decorations. Since Russell is the artsy kind and I love hands-on crafts, making our own wedding decorations will be our quality time the next few months. 

I'm hoping the stress will subside. I want this engagement period to be a time of celebration and joy but so many other events have appeared simultaneously that it's hard to just sit back and relax. However, I am confident that things will begin to look up soon; especially with the trip up north next weekend. Once everything has been sorted and assigned, it'll all be simpler and easier. 

Reasons Why I Have Best Friends

I was scrolling down my tumblr dashboard feed when this came up. Bernadette, this seriously made me smile. Thank you.

As of right now, I am still on happy mode and everything is super fun. Making lists, budgeting, and daydreaming is all great right now. But that can also be because it's been less than a week...

A lot of things are up in the air currently, and Russ and I are trying to tackle big things first before actually planning the details. I still cannot believe that this is happening. So right now (before I start making more excel sheets about what needs to be done, planned, etc.), nothing can really be done except for prayer.

What we need:

• To decide on who we want to do our pre-marital counseling (super important). 
• To be patient with my mom as she slowly (slowly) tells my relatives. Besides that, my parents have been so nice and encouraging that I feel like I'm going to be crying a lot the next few months. 
• To remember to enjoy this season of life if planning ever gets too stressful.
• To be patient with not just the people around us, but with each other as well. 
• To trust God with the budget we have—and to remember that it's about the marriage and not just the wedding

Budgets

Today, Russell and I sat down and set a rough budget for ourselves. We showed each other our bank accounts and decided on how much we can spend for certain things and how much to put towards our wedding fund (we've had a specific savings account just for a wedding for a few months now but decided to start putting even more money into it). We already knew about how much each other earned but never really talked about the exact numbers and where portions of our money went. So today was enlightening and lightening (ha!).

The main reason we did this was because I wanted to know if we had enough money set aside for disneyland passes. The answer: yes, but at the end of September.

I'm sure that as time goes by, I will be stressing out more and more about budgeting. So I am going to take the time now to remind myself that I am not in control. God is in control. All this money is God's anyways. I need to remember that He will provide for what we need, when we need it, at the right time.

Engagement Story #2: The Proposal

The Story

On Friday, August 24th around 10:30 p.m., Russell asked me to marry him. I, of course, said yes. I wish I could remember and write all the details but when I look back on that night, it was jam-packed with so many little details, big emotions, and endless excitement. It's impossible to capture it in words.

Engagement Story #1

A couple of weeks ago, Russell and I deleted our facebooks. I felt it was necessary because I would go on it for hours, stalk people I don't even talk to, and sometimes get angry for no good reason at the things people post. Basically, not a lot of good came out of me being on facebook. I thought Russell deleted his for the same reason but little did I know that he had a secret agenda.

I guess when Russell talked to my parents, one of my mom's request was for us not to blast it on facebook (when Russ later told me this after he proposed, I was mad but now I understand—more on that in a bit). So a couple of weeks before he asked me, he slid in a comment about deleting our facebooks and I didn't think much of it and agreed. On a side note, this is why I'm blogging so much. 

I had a wonderful talk this morning with my mom and there were many tears involved. She asked how he proposed and she began crying when I told her the story. When she asked if we really wanted to get married in the spring of next year and I confirmed it, she cried some more. At one point we were both crying and I realized all the emotion wasn't bad. Mom was being so loving and I was crying at how nice she was being. Mom and I have a history of not usually crying in front of people so for the two of us being able to cry in front of each other was a big moment for me.

I haven't even been engaged for over 24 hours and I've cried countless times already.

Anyways, now I understand why mom didn't want me telling too many people right away. She wanted us to be able to enjoy this as a family then share this news with other relatives (oh so slowly) and then with friends. I now see that this is just a lot of big things happening so quickly for my parents. I want to be able to respect them in that. 

...But you're blogging about it, you wonder. Yes I am. But I find that only about 2% of my facebook friends/people I know are even aware that I have blogs and probably a smaller percent of that actually read it. Haha, so hello ghost readers. This is No. 1 of my engagement story and I hope to share more of it as time goes by.

Engaged!

I'm engaged!

I will post more pictures and stories of how it happened but for now, here's a picture taken on August 24th (our two year anniversary!) of when Russell proposed! It's 7 in the morning as I write this and I've been awake for the past hour, after going to bed at 2 a.m., because of my over-excitement. 

Ahhhh! God has been so good and I'm so blessed.